You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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