She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
