That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
