wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
