"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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