Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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