apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
