I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
