If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
