dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
