Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I came so hard my ears popped.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
