love makes seman taste better
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
