So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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