My sheets look like a crime scene.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
