im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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