I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
