Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
