i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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