i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
