Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
