i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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