apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
