she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I have aggressive nipples.
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
