it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
