four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize