mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
