it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize