So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
