How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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