He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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