You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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