susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
