we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
