I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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