I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
