You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
