Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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