I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
