You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
