Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
