My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The Olympian is in my bed
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
