I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
