If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
