Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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