Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize