I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
