You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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