Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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