I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
