Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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