we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
