I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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