Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
