i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
