$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
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