just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize