so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
