Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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