I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
