shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
