Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
