Screwed.edu
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
