Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
