I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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