HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
