why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
