I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
