these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize