I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
