Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
