Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
