She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
