My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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